Among the Stars
by Killerqueen2.0
Summary: The little Crowley remembered from his life as an angel were the stars... and that angel who always appeared in his dreams Cover drawing: chaoslindsay


He didn't even know why he began to wonder that, just one day he asked Crowley that question.

"Crowley ..."

"Yes, angel?"

"Do you remember ...when you were an angel?"

That question took the redhead by surprise, who stiffened and quickly replied in an abrupt manner "That was a long time ago, angel, it's in the past"

Aziraphale was not intimidated by the attitude of the demon, he knew that that was painful for him, so he decided not to insist more.

"Okay, I won't ask anymore if that's what you want," replied the angel while taking a small sip of the tea.

He didn't know how long the silence lasted, but after that, he heard a little murmur from the demon, although he couldn't hear what he was trying to say.

"What did you say, dear?" He asked in a calm tone

The demon just looked down, somehow he was ashamed of what he was going to say "I said that... I don't remember."

"What?!" the angel exclaimed surprised, it seemed incomprehensible to him why a demon wouldn't remember when he was in heaven. "You don't remember anything at all?"

Crowley just shook his head slowly as he let out a small bitter laugh. "I don't even remember how I fell, I just remember that it was because I hang around with wrong people and ... asking questions."

Ask questions? That seemed ridiculous to Aziraphale, but he still decided not to say anything about it.

"But ... You fell during the rebellion, didn't you?"

"Yes, like almost everyone," he replied dryly, then sipped the glass of wine he had in one hand "I even had another name, a beautiful one of course, but I don't remember it."

Aziraphale shuddered, for an angel, it was something totally frightening to fall, they could not conceive to give up to everything that heaven offered them to go to something as horrendous as hell was.

"Maybe we met, you know?" Aziraphale said hopefully. "Among all those hallways in heaven, we should have seen each other sometime."

Crowley shrugged, trying to hide his interest. He would lie if he said he hadn't wondered what happened to him before he fell, but over time he resigned himself to the fact that perhaps there was nothing, there was nothing else before the demon Crawley.

-Oh yeah? Well ... are you sure? He questioned, keeping his hope levels low.

Any display of optimism was quickly erased from Aziraphale's face, he had to admit that he had some fuzzy memories of his stay in heaven, mostly related to diffuse faces of angels and archangels that he did not know.

"I ... I ... maybe," Aziraphale replied.

"That doesn't matter, angel, I only care about the present," Crowley said, trying to cheer his angel up, they won't gain nothing by saddening by blurry memories.

Apparently, that worked, since a small smile adorned Aziraphale's face.

"I guess you're right, cookies, dear?" He asked, offering him a plate full of cookies.

"Of course, angel."

[...]

_He met him, he remembers meeting him. His mind remembers him in dreams when lethargy is stronger than any human or demonic power._

_It was a long time ago when they were both angels, he met him on any given day ... well, any day for another angel, but for him, it was one of the best days of his existence._

_It was along the halls of heaven, he was walking through the halls, without any important task to do when he saw it. Oh, that vision was magnificent before his eyes, he was such a pure and ethereal being, more than any other he had ever seen. His warm laugh and beautiful smile made him quickly feel helpless as if his entire existence had come to depend only on that beautiful being._

_The days passed and with them, his feelings towards the angel grew stronger. One day by chance he heard the name of the one who had stolen his breath:_

_Aziraphale_

_He was in charge of creating the stars and he did so. Surely he spent more time among the stars than in the sky ... and he was happy there, he felt ecstatic every time he created something, he saw nebulas and galaxies being born, he created complete solar systems._

_Yes ... among stars and nebulas he was happy but now he had something else that made him happier._

_They hadn't talked until one day they both looked at each other, his gentle, sweet blue gaze conquered him completely and he ... oh, he was all a mess, with his ruffled red hair and his face covered by stardust and, even so, somehow they both felt connected._

_From that day on they both crossed glances between the corridors of the sky, both felt something for the other without even crossing any word._

_One day, when the boldness beat common sense he shouted from the other side of the hall:_

_"My name Raphael!"_

_Aziraphale turned to see him and he fled in terror with a blush present on his face._

_Then he decided that he would create something beautiful, as magnificent as Aziraphale was._

_Although they did not admit it, the angels had defects and Raphael's was that nothing was enough for him, he created stars, nebulas, even galaxies, but nothing that could be compared with the angel that had made him feel a lot of things._

_And then ... the beginning of the end came._

_He met an angel, Lucifer was his name and promised him things, everything he wanted, all his wishes come true. He gave him a chance and he didn't want to waste it._

_They played to be God, they played with explosions and unexpected shocks, they created pulsars and black holes, things that humans would not discover until millennia later._

_His greatest creation: the milky way, full of planets, black holes, pulsars, stars, neutron stars, everything an angel could imagine._

_It was something worthy of Aziraphale and with the greatest pride, he could have he showed it to Aziraphale._

_"This is for you." Those simple words, the first ones he said to Aziraphale without running away, were filled with a feeling he couldn't explain._

_"It's ... just beautiful Raphael," he said marveled._

_The lights of the stars played with the astonished face of Aziraphale, giving it a sublime appearance. A state of ataraxy flooded the moment._

_A warm and new feeling settled in Raphael's chest, he couldn't describe it, then he asked a question, a single question that marked his downfall:_

_is it possible to feel more love for someone else than for good?_

_Everything fell, himself included. It burned and hurt. The pain began in his wings and extended to his whole being, it was simply unbearable_

_His wings turned black and his halo broke. He was falling, he felt fear ... no ... he felt terror._

_What was happening?_

_God was furious, a group of angels had rebelled, had to do something, that punishment was fair and necessary, at least for her._

_Why? God! Why do this?_

_He just ... he just hung around with the wrong people and with a single question he condemned himself._

_Weren't you supposed to be love and forgiveness!? Where was your mercy!?_

_It was so much pain that he felt he couldn't even speak; he couldn't even breathe._

_The last image he saw before closing his eyes, his Aziraphale trying to help him, desperately extending his hand, but he did not take it, no, he would not let his angel stain his purity, he would not let the same punishment and suffering fall upon him._

_He could suffer all they wanted, but not Aziraphale._

_Aziraphale..._

_Azira..._

_Zira..._

[...]

Crowley woke suddenly, totally sweaty and hanging on to the sheets of his bed.

He began to hyperventilate and although he tried to regulate his breathing he knew it was useless.

Thousands of memories gathered in his mind, one after the other, each one was an answer to all the doubts that had assaulted him in the past.

All those memories began to come together as if they were a puzzle piece, it was a story, it was their past, it wasn't always a demon, there was something more than a demon.

His name was Raphael, he was an angel, he created and loved the stars more than anything, well, until he met ... Aziraphale.

He didn't even know how he managed to get out of bed and take his phone. After pressing a few buttons and a series of sounds he heard the voice he wanted so much to hear.

"Hello..."

"Angel! It's me!" He shouted without being able to avoid it, he was in a state of happiness that no one could ruin.

"Crowley, did you realize it's 3 a.m." Asked the angel, sleepy.

"I know, but I need to tell you something, it's urgent."

"Oh dear, nothing bad has happened, right?"

"No! This is the opposite of bad things. Don't move from there, I'll be right away."

In an impressive speed, even for a demon, he changed his clothes and left in his Bentley towards the Aziraphale bookstore. In a matter of minutes, he had already arrived at the place.

Without even caring for the closed sign, he opened the door with a snap and entered the bookstore. Inside was Aziraphale who was in her daily attire, but with a tired appearance due to lack of sleep.

"Crowley, can you tell why you woke me up at 3 in the morning?" He quickly asked the demon when he saw him come in

Crowley, who was totally happy, took him by the shoulders and with a smile said:

"Oh angel, do you remember your stay in heaven, before the Eden?" -

Aziraphale didn't answer, overwhelmed by the demon's attitude, after a few seconds he just nodded.

"Then you'll remember Raphael, right?" Asked the redhead without removing his smile from his face.

The following words would break, unknowingly, Crowley's heart. If you needed to know the words to destroy the spirit of a demon would be those:

"Raph ... who?"

Those words completely shattered Crowley, gasping with difficulty, trying to recover the lost air while trying hard to avoid falling on knees on the floor.

"Crowley, are you all right?" Asked Aziraphale, worried about Crowley's sudden dejection.

"No ... you don't remember anything?" Crowley asked as he fought the tears that began to appear in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Crowley, I never met any Raphael, was him important?" -

Crowley forced a smile on his face and then denied slightly. "Angel, it wasn't important."

He could not deny that he was hurt, millennia without knowing who he was and when he finally discovered him, the only person he cared did not even know who was him.

Unless...

"I need to show you, something angel, follow me." After saying that, he took Aziraphale by the hand and pulled him until they reached the Bentley, there was something he had to do.

[...]

Aziraphale did not know how he had to get to that situation, he was on the terrace of a building unknown to him, under the darkness of the sky and the illumination of the stars.

"Crowley, what are we doing here?"

Crowley, with a smile, raised his arms, showing the vastness of the night sky.

"This is for you, angel."

For a moment, a fleeting memory appeared in Aziraphale's mind, it went as fast as it came, but still felt something, it was like being home again.

"It's ... just beautiful Crowley," he said, completely hypnotized by the light of the stars that glowed with a peculiar glow that gave them a beautiful appearance.

The lights of the stars played again with Aziraphale's face, giving him an ethereal and ... ineffable appearance.

The situation reminded him of the one that happened thousands of years ago, but only now there was nothing to fear, not anymore.

"Yes, it is beautiful," said the demon, only that he was not referring to the spectacle that heaven offered them, but to the being who was at his side, absorbed by the preciousness of sky.

Perhaps Aziraphale did not remember who he had been and perhaps never does, but it does not matter, he knows it and could spend his entire eternity with Aziraphale, among the stars, remembering or even better, creating new memories.


End file.
